Erase and Rewind
by Deoceres
Summary: Clarice re-thinks her decision


  
**Erase and Rewind**

Story: Clarice re-thinks her decision. 'Erase/Rewind' is the property of The Cardigans, and is, in my opinion, a beautiful song. I do not profit from its use. Clarice and Dr. Lecter are the property of Thomas Harris and will continue to be until my plan of world domination comes into being…heh. Anyway….

__

Hey,  
What did you hear me say?  
You know the difference it makes  
What did you hear me say? 

Yes,  
I said it's fine before  
But I don't think so no more  
I said it's fine before 

I've changed my mind  
I take it back  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind 

I've changed my mind 

So,  
Where did you see me go?  
It's not the right way, you know  
Where did you see me go? 

No,  
It's not the light, oh no  
I just don't want it to grow  
It's not the light, oh no 

I've changed my mind  
I take it back  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind  
Erase and rewind  
Erase and rewind  
I've changed my mind. 

Clarice sat on her bed; arms wrapped around her knees, hugging them to her chest as some form of comfort. She was finally alone, with time to think about the events of that day, without the thousands of questions. By the time they had finished, her head was pounding. She didn't want to talk to anyone. Even Delia had been shooed away, with hurried assurances that she was fine, and just needed to have some time on her own. 

It was strange. She had expected to feel something.... anything. Despair. Anger. Anguish. Instead, all she felt was a coursing emptiness, that tore at her chest, making it hard to breathe. After the single tear she had shed, after forsaking her happiness, she had retreated into herself, locking her feelings away into a tight bundle that threatened to choke her whenever she swallowed.   
She guessed that she must still be in shock. After all, she had just attended dinner with a serial killer, and watched a man being fed his own brains.  
No.  
That wasn't the reason she felt like this.  
She had given up on her only chance at happiness. And love.  
The numbness in her body gave way to a growing pounding at her temples, and a gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach.  
_He's not coming back._  
The sudden realisation of what had happened came to her, hitting her with such pain that she couldn't breathe. Everything seemed to go hazy, and her stomach lurched, along with the room. She felt like she was falling into an endless black void.  
Her fists clutched tightly at the quilt beneath her, desperately trying to keep a hold on her mind, and her life. 

__

"Oh god..."  
Her own voice sounded like it came from years ago, a distant reminder into events long since past. The few hours since it had happened seemed like a lifetime away. She had grown a lot in that short time, and realised the immensity of her mistake.  
Her stomach lurched again, and she quickly scrambled off the bed. She hit the floor hard on her hands and knees, and made it to the small bathroom just in time to piteously retch up the last thing she had eaten early that morning.  
As she lifted her head slowly from the toilet bowl, hot tears began to stream down her cheeks. The emotions she had tried to ignore came flooding back in a matter of seconds, and she buried her head in her hands and wept.  
She had lost him. Behind the strong, unemotional exterior, he was still just a man. And she had shunned his love, and denied her own. 

She sunk down onto the floor, leaning her head back onto the cool marble tiling on the wall. Sobs wracked through her entire body, as she pressed her face down into her hands. 

Many hours later, Clarice Starling sits on her bed, in the darkness. She feels no need to turn a light on, as she doesn't wish to see anything of her surroundings. The skin around her eyes is swollen, but has long since dried. Her tears fell until there were none left to cry. Now, the emptiness claims her once again. A numbness that takes hold of her, and deepens the immense void in her life. She stares straight ahead, but her eyes see nothing of what is front of them. Only a glimpse into what was hers, for a brief second in time, and then nothing.  
She whispers a name into the blackness; only heard by herself, and felt by someone now far away. 

__

I've changed my mind  
I take it back  
Erase and rewind  
'Cause I've been changing my mind

****

Fin 

__

A/N: Ok, I know it's kind of sad, but I just felt like writing something angsty for once (and didn't have the heart to kill either of them off!) If it makes you feel any better, let's just say that this could be the prequel to one of my other fics, 'Surprise' :o) 


End file.
